Afraid to Dream

The demons in my head
won't let me sleep again.
Racing in circles around and around
Sleep to dream
Dream to sleep
Dream of sleep
My mind won't shut off
Won't let me rest.
My mind is racing
pacing
tracing
Memories of yesterday, today, and yet to be.
Maybe never to be.
Haunting
Taunting
Counting
Falling...
Medicated
so maybe I can stay asleep.
The monsters in my head
are so loud and scary.
They want to kill me.
Pit of despair.
Cobwebs and darkness
all around me.
Ghosts are haunting
Sadness and fears.
Nobody gets this...
Afraid of the dark.
Afraid of the dreaming.
Afraid of the nightmares.
Afraid of waking up.
Shaking, sweating
Crying in my sleep.
So much aching, longing, to sleep.
The peaceful sleep and dreams of the normal.
Boring.
The curse of being a disturbed soul.
Can you understand?
Not many get it...
But I do. I understand.
I live it every night
In the dark
In my dreams...
Afraid of the dark
Afraid to dream
Dream awake, and scream
Deafening silence...
Listen for breath.
Heart pounding...
Lay back down...only a dream...
But it may be...
Dreaming reality.
So afraid to dream.
Don't...
JJC 11/12/2012

Need to cry

Sometimes you just need to cry. Cry until your heart feels a little less like breaking. Until the fake facade your face wears cracks, falls to your hands like dust. Mix with tears and makes some kind of ridiculous, pathetic paint. Paint your life story with it, but someday it will be painted over. Good or bad, will be painted over. The sun will fade this artwork eventually, someone may remember it's significance and once beauty. Till then cry, cry until you wrench inside, till you bleed. Paint the picture, of life as it is, as it was, and as it should be, as it may never be. Now excuse me, while I put my head in my hands, and paint another picture... JJC 10-19-2012

We are kin sisters-sisters of the same arts... Woven from the same cloth our souls are the same. The dark, it looms-creates and hangs. Like a pleasant dark shadow. Overplayed by a smile and a wink. Hidden as one may assume frailty...Then lash out! No strength in comparison! Break through the chains in our dungeons to drag our ways into the light-the moonlit night...So quiet and serene. A midnite night on serpents wings-of gloss and black scales. Fire eyes, she understands. Fierce beasts our friends...our hearts beat fierce and free! And the night...the night is where many good things hide-in wait. Wait for the inspire. To create once more. The calligraphy of the darkened soul. Whispers...You hear nothing. But I hear music. My sister and I. We are kin and kin with the nighttime. JJC 8/15/2012