from the page Betrayed by Love on Facebook A reader was so kind to send this to me. The betrayed wife, after discovering an affair, takes such a hit to her self-esteem, and she questions what it was about the other woman that was so attractive to her husband. Was she sexier? Was she better, somehow? Why did the other woman get the best parts, when she was left with the worst of her wayward h usband? The truth is, that is not how this works. She is not better, or more attractive. She does not get the best parts of the husband. What’s attractive about the other woman is that they are the sickest, the weakest, the most injured of the pack. The insecure wayward husband wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to take down. The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man. Wayward husbands, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath him, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch? The fact is … they always trade down. If she happens to be prettier, or thinner – it’s just pure luck that the wrapping is worth more than the gift inside. What’s inside, is no match for you, the faithful wife. You’re beautiful, and strong and probably the mother of his children. The truth is, the other woman could be anyone, anyone slow enough to be caught and willing to accept what little that wayward husband offers to them. She accepts the very worst parts of the wayward husband; the liar, the cheater, the deceiver, the broken man. His behavior is lower than low, but that’s okay with her. She accepts trashy behavior, because she is trash and has no conscience. She has no self-esteem because she knows her value … her value as the weakest, the most injured of the herd. She accepts his cheating ways and lowlife behavior because she knows her place in the pack – and it’s at the end of the row. Bringing up the rear, it’s just a matter of time before someone singles her out, and uses her for his own selfish reasons in his quest to be admired. So what happens when we catch him with her? Most often he leaves her where he found her, at the end of the row, at the back of the pack – even weaker and more injured than when he found her. She’s worse for the wear. In the end, it is her self-esteem that is eroded, not the betrayed spouses'. After all, she wasn't able to keep him even considering he was in a "bad" marriage to a "unloving wife". Because isn't that the way it always is? How pathetic that she's given the answer to the test, gave it her all, and she still failed? Self-esteem erosion 101. Retake your position at the front of the pack, betrayed wife. More often than not, it’s you he’s fighting for; it's you he's sorry for; it’s you he’s trying to be a better man for. Regain your strength. Retake your rightful place. Betrayal hurts, I know. Boy, do I know. But remember, when they find someone weak enough to have an affair with, they always affair down. The other woman had to be broken deep inside in order to crawl in bed with a married man and except your leftovers instead of being strong enough to find an unattached man on her own. She had to be so broken to not care about you, the faithful wife, the children who would be wounded and all the lives destroyed by her actions and participation... and I bet she will not accept any responsibility for those actions. She will hold her hands up in false innocence when the curtain is pulled back to reveal the disgusting acts she committed against your family. Betrayed wife, hold your head high. YOU were strong enough to remain faithful and love a man who used your trust for his own selfish desires. He has devastated your life, but you can end the pain you are feeling. Use the strength inside you to pick up the pieces and begin living again. And if you are the rare gem who has decided to give your wayward husband the precious gift of a second chance, I applaud you. YOU are invincible in your strength and courage. Take a deep breath, dry your tears for the millionth time and carry on, my dear. Because nothing can keep you down for long.

Broken Trust

Today was the last day... The last day I trusted you. What the fuck were you thinking? Do you know what you did to me? You've become that thing you said you hated, How could you do this to me? More than that More than me more than anything more than you more than her more than all the love in the world Why? Why? Why? I'll never know, will I? You said it was a mistake... It was, you're right. I've never wanted so badly To just fucking disappear. My best friend has betrayed me Who can I turn to? Supposed to be most intimate, Most trusting Oh my God, I'm going to die. You of all people, you were my hero.... You've been to war, you've seen the ugliest of war and you brought the war here to my home to my heart to my soul How dare you Do I mean that little to you? I'm that easily replaced? Who do you think you are? Goddammit, you are supposed to love me, You hurt me More than anyone ever has before Shattered my dreams Drown my mind Killed my soul Broken my heart... You might lose it all, I might too. All for nothing, another waste of my time... God dammit not again. I want to break things I want to slap you Hit you, fucking yell at you till my throat bleeds.... But instead I'm going to do what I do, And lay here and cry... Sleep in the bed that we share, That I don't want to be in anymore... Feels like it's burning my flesh. I don't know if I belong here anymore. Will this happen again? I don't know. Over my dead body..... The only thing that wasn't wasted, Is someone who is about 3 feet tall and calls me "mommy." How could you do this to me? To us? To him? To ME?! I don't even know what to think anymore I can't I can't even feel I feel numb and I feel so dumb. I gave it all up, all up for you For this. The end result is this. Fuck. I am a complete idiot. I hope you know that I will never trust you the same Ever again. Bleeding inside is so much worse Than bleeding visibly.... JJC 1/15/2012

Have you ever seen a movie that was really profound, and stuck with you for a long time? This was that movie for me. Why? Why would this be a part of something that "Sticks" with me, and makes me think? Well, because this was my life...but not when I was 13-thankfully. But it was my life almost to a "T" when I was starting out about 17 till about 21 or 22 years old when I finally shook it off. Everything that they do in this movie I have done. And for almost the same sort of reasons. This movie stuck a chord deep inside, and reminded me of my dark and sordid past. All because I wanted attention. And even the wrong kind of attention was attention none-the-less. Oh man how lucky I am to be alive, and to not have some kind of disease from this kind of life...But in my defense, I was SO mad, and SO hurt for being left SO alone by the people who were supposed to love me the most. My parents. I rebelled. I didn't do it till I was older, but still...I was so naive and innocent when I was 17...and it all went out of control so fast...I couldn't stop it, and I didn't want to, I didn't care. The drugs, the booze, promiscuous sex, dressing like a slut even, everything. You saw it here, and it happened. Even the cutting. I admit that-with difficulty. I've been down that road before too. I saw her get angry, and run for the bathroom and start cutting with her weapon of choice. And I admit I cried. I cried and cried when I saw this. It reminded me SO much of exactly what I used to do, how I used to respond to hurt and anger and pain and sadness. I would run to the bathroom, black out while holding some kind of sharp tool...and just feel the hurt, the burn, the bleeding...anything to make me FEEL and to show the pain I felt inside from being neglected and ignored. Then the time someone knew what I had done, they said I was stupid, and was dumb for doing it. That helped....not really. It just got worse and worse....I would even punch myself in the legs so hard I couldn't hardly stand up or walk. Why? I don't know why...but it felt good to feel physical pain. The physical pain was easier to deal with than the emotional stuff. And then at least I have a physical feeling for the way I felt inside. Since no one would listen to me anyway. I don't know how or why, but one day I just stopped. Thankfully. I used to take pain pills and drink on a regular basis too. For the same reasons. I would drink heavily...and I did for a long long time. I would do stupid things, things I normally wouldn't do. Got myself into some really scary situations and I am so glad I walked away from them-alive. I could have died many times...It all was so out of control...I look back on it all and it seems like one huge, long, awful, horrible nightmare. I remember being dropped off from a rock concert one night at my then boyfriend's house. If nobody had not have been home there I'd have probably died. Partying too much...drinking, pain pills, rock music.....I don't remember much but I was told I had stopped breathing in the bathroom. It was horrible. Embarrassing. I'm still embarrassed by it. I wish I could still apologize to my ex for that night, and for the many other nights, days, weeks, and years that he stuck by me through all of this insane shit, until he couldn't take it anymore, and I don't blame him. I did then, but no, I don't. I thank him for being my "rock" through all of that insanity. 99% of men would have run for the hills. But he loved me so much that he stayed. Even though I did so much horrible, bad shit to him, he stayed. I don't know if I'd even be alive if it wasn't for him. I hope he knows that I will never find enough words to thank him enough.... And the promiscuous sex. God....HOW STUPID!!!! I can't even tell you...how lucky I am to not have a horrible STD, or a baby whose father I don't even remember....My God how stupid I was. And for what? Because I was so angry. That's the only reason I have for it. My mother chose drugs and bad boyfriends over me, and my father chose alcohol. He has NO idea what I went through...I think my mom knows, but chooses to ignore it and pretend it never happened. But she had to have known, she's not THAT stupid I wouldn't think. So to everyone out there hurting, in whatever way....I hope that it goes away for you like it finally did for me. I sit and think about some of the thing's I've done in the past...and it feels good to get them off of my chest after all of these years as I'm now in my 30's. But I Pray, I pray to whatever God or Goddess is out there that will listen to me. Please....let my children never do this. That is my biggest fear. And remember to always listen to your kids...they might not know everything, but dammit they are smart. I wished my parents would have listened to me back when I would use words to talk to them...when words didn't work...I resorted to this....sex, drugs, rebellion, promiscuity, cutting, drinking, smoking, a lot of stupid things, and almost dying. Don't let them get this far....Watch, listen, learn, and understand.... Oh God was this hard to write....

really?

Fuck this. I don't even have the words for how pissed I am right now...

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